Hi,
Welcome to this introduction to a new series of very personal blogs all about growing up as an only child, my decision to be childfree early on in life and the positive and negative effects of these.
I’m certainly not here to judge or criticise anybody else’s life choices, just as I hope nobody will judge or criticise me (but I suspect some Keyboard Warriors will!) I just want to show that there can be alternatives in life and that you’re not a bad person for choosing a different path. It’s okay to follow your sunshine and choose a path less travelled.
I’ll be sharing the thought process behind my choice early on in life to be childfree and my experience of growing up as an only child. It will be interesting to see if I uncover any links between the two as time goes on. I also want to explore how others in this scenario deal with getting older, as in writing Wills, deciding on a Power of Attorney etc etc.
Why do I want to share this? And why now?
Because now I’m in my mid-50’s I’m very comfortable in my own skin and I’ve realised I’ve always been on the defensive about these aspects of my life and, to be frank, I’ve had enough of that and I’m not doing it anymore! It’s time to stop hiding and say “this is Me and I’m happy with that!”
I’ve been feeling like this since the beginning of the year (we’re currently in July 2024) and I started to journal about my feelings. Journaling has always been an important part of my life, (I guess it’s probably been a version of talking to an Imaginary Friend!) and the more I wrote about my feelings, the more I felt guided to share my experiences in case someone else is in a similar scenario and feels isolated and “stuck”.
I would like to add that I’m too long in the tooth to be called an “only child” now that I’m 55 (at the time of writing this), so I’ve found an alternative, which is I’m a “oneling”. That feels a lot softer and more comfortable!
There are Facebook groups for “Onlies” and being childfree by choice and from my first initial looks around, some of them seem to be quite prickly spaces. I came out of one particular group after only two days because it was full of angry, judgementalposts aimed at people who choose to be parents and they weren’t welcoming to anyone who had children in their lives at all, whether it’s nieces and nephews, grown-up stepchildren etc etc. Thankfully a few other groups are very supportive and have encouraged me with this project such as The Non-Mum Network and the FB Group Childfree By Choice – UK.
Just because I chose to be childfree doesn’t mean to say I avoid children at all costs! That would be impossible! My partner of the last 10 years has three grown-up, adult children who are settling down and are now thinking about having families of their own. A scary thought indeed! How will I feel when it happens? The honest answer is that I have no idea!
Next time I will share the lead up to when I knew I would never be a Mum.
In the meantime, thank you for reading this and If you’d like to be the first to know when I publish a new post then please Subscribe to my Linktree here where you’ll find links to my Instagram & Facebook pages and my monthly Substack newsletter. Please also feel free to contact me and share my links if any of this resonates with you.
Sending much love and support,
Wendy x